The Consecrated Life of a Diligent Seeker

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrews 11:6

If you have been walking with the Lord any length of time, surely you have come to value the importance of seeking Him. It may be a set time, a “ritual” or even routine in which you carve out time to spend with the Lord. You may read your bible, listen to a sermon, read devotionals or journal. Your time may include music, a walk or just quiet. I entered my seek with the Lord in awkward fashion. Having set my heart on learning of Him and knowing Him, it has taken me many years to find a rhythm with the Lord. When I first began as a fresh convert, determined to get to know Him and His Word, I can recall times just “chatting” with God. I pondered questions, recalled messages from church or just skimmed the Bible to catch a glimpse of Him.

It would be many years, seasons of change and growth before I would really learn to seek Him. This desire would be born out of tests, trials, victories and adversity. Seasons where I was compelled, drawn or ran to Him screaming and crying for the devil to stop messing with me – I’ve done it all seeking the Lord. One thing that would always mark my seek of the Lord was the feeling that I somehow wasn’t “doing it right”. I can count numerous times over the past 16 years I have been walking intentionally with God that I just felt like I was missing it. In the beginning, I would set my heart to fast and I could knock out a fast easy. But as time went by, I would have those times and seasons where I could not stick to a fast or I was so focused on the mechanics I would miss time with the Lord. I would feel so guilty and like I let God down, but He would always keep drawing me. What a love.

There came a point where Holy Spirit led me into truth about the purpose of fasting and prayer in devotion. It was not just some discipline to see how “devoted” I could be. It was an invitation into intimacy with Him. When He put it that way, I began to shed the religiosity and the performance orientation and began to allow my heart to engage so that I could experience Him. He would walk me through His Word, lead me to a song or even to a teaching that spoke to places in my heart that only He knew. He would answer my questions like a Father would for a curious child and I began to have history with God. I have history with God and I was beginning to be changed in His Presence. My times and seasons with God are like an adventure.

There have been times where my faith is challenged, or my flesh gets in the way or even just demonic interference causes me to draw back from times of prayer and seeking God. Though I would talk to Him throughout the day, it was the 3 and 4 am nudges that I would sometimes forsake for sleep, feeling guilt and hoping I could prove my devotion the next time. The Lord is patient and kind. Sometimes, He would be just like Jesus was when the disciples could not “watch for 1 hour”. Go ahead and get your sleep – no condemnation. I am still on this journey to find my rhythm with the Lord but I have accepted that seasons change and how God engages me changes. I haven’t mastered the seek but I do have a walk that I can show for, and I am grateful.